Carpenters In The Forehead/  A Rousing Yell-out To All My Sanctimonious Christian Friends

 

Putting out a loud and rowdy call to all of you Christians, just full to the brim with Jesus’ love:  Hark the Herald, it’s time to join me and get on the bus.  Now, it should be as obvious as the hat on my head that I’m not referring to the bus which years ago transported the Merry Pranksters around the countryside.  I know iniquity when I see it, or taste it, and there’s no way you’re going to give me a test of the Electric Kool-aid Acid variety.

 

No, folks, I want all sanctimonious Christian believers to get on board the National Organization for Marriage bus that is pulling out from Augusta, Maine on a twenty three city journey to protect us all from the wicked gays who want to poison the lives of our faithful communities.  How dare those vermin have the nerve to demand equal rights in this wonderfully evangelic nation.  I know some of these types, and I may not want to stone them or light a match to ignite them at the stake, but I have to admit, I certainly don’t want one of my children to marry one of them.  God, in His Majesty, forbid.

 

 

 

As you can tell from the protestor pictured here, the flock of my faithful supporters know what’s what when it comes down to God’s word:  men gotta’ have it, and have it plentiful, for, as it states on the poster:  MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMEN.  In other words, you guys and I are entitled to more than one babe, for the Big Guy in the Sky has given His blessed approval.  And you thought Christianity was old-fashioned and staid.  Little do you really know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I’m just not sure what gets ahold of me, especially my right hand (of God), when this overwhelming feeling floods over me, and I am possessed with the urge to reach out and grab some of those sinners around the neck and choke the last breath out of them.  Maybe it’s simply my way of saving them by eradicating the devil that lives in their beastly souls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And you know what?  I don’t give a tinker’s damn about the fact that a significant majority of our country’s youth have no objection to a venal marriage of those who can’t procreate.  I happen to know what God wants, and even though some years back we lost on the issue of forbidding the marriage of whites and blacks, we’re not about to give an inch on this one.  In spite of the fact that the sacrament of marriage has been despoiled by the mixing of races, there is no way that we will put up with any further erosion of our cherished union of man and women.  Onward Christian soldiers!  Help me man the ramparts.  Get on the bus and let’s roll for God.

 

For further information on how you can support me and my supporters, write to Ken Kesey in care of this internet newspaper.

(Photos by Robert Bukaty, The Associate Press)